By Ledge Slater, official DP jock
Tuesday, April 24, 2012,
(LONDON) —The fate of the Earth hangs by the thinnest thread ever, according to former Vice President Al Gore while marking Earth Day 2012 Sunday. Global warming is speeding up more than ever, said Gore, with the greatest signs of climate change coming right now, via the Earth’s sudden replacement of dark and colder climates with lighter, warmer climates —all within twelve hours!
Speaking to an astute audience Sunday the University College of London, Gore reiterated his aggressive stance on Earth's warming and climate change, introducing his best evidence yet of pending global disaster. “Just twelve hours ago in Europe it was dark and cold, but now it is warm and sunny!” stated a somber Gore to wide-eyed onlookers. “People were wearing sweaters and jackets, but now they are wearing T-shirts, and some even shorts –right now, at 1 PM! And just twelve hours ago no one could see where they were going without human-made illumination. But now you can step out of your house and see everything,” said the famed Nobel Peace Prize winner.
Gore’s speech, aired throughout Britain, sent many UK residents into the streets, screaming in terror at their now illumined nation. British police were put on high alert and emergency lines melted from frantic
calls by bewildered citizens, frightened as to whether the current change in light and temperature would indeed be permanent.
The former VP went on to introduce "sound, scientific evidence" of the rapid change in Earth’s climate, namely Europe’s. Reading from the British Broadcasting Company’s (BBC) own records, just five hours old, Gore listed numerous temperature changes in London, Paris, Madrid, and elsewhere in Europe.
“The evidence is incontrovertible,” Gore said, “either we face the facts now; that we are living in lighter, warmer temperatures than just twelve hours ago, or we will face utter catastrophe in the near future.”
After four hours of speaking, Gore eventually opened himself to questions from journalists. Linda Schmidt, a reporter for the London Telegraph asked Gore one of the most puzzling of the two questions he fielded. “Sir, aren't you just saying that this phenomenon is what some people call ‘light’ outside, or in more laymen’s' terms, ‘day,' and that this cold darkness which had consumed us hours ago is what many scientists simply refer to as 'night'?”
"You can call it whatever you wish!” Gore responded. “But grant you this: the temperature has risen dramatically within the last twelve hours. There’s no denying it! Many of the animals once bantering and chirping about the countryside during the darker hours have disappeared –vanished! And the same will occur with the creatures enjoying this newest spell of warmth and brightness unless we arrest this horrific climatic conversion. We simply can no long ignore these harsh facts.”
“I’ve been a climatologist for forty-one years and am more concerned than ever,” said Dr. Nigel Shumaker, a professor of Dismal Proclamations at College University. “You can only reason and excuse the changes (Gore) has pointed out today, but eventually we have to face the facts: twelve hours ago we had darkness and cold; now light and warmth. It’s most distressing.”
Gore apologized for any panic his speech may have caused throughout the UK, but insisted he was simply relaying conditions he found empirically palpable. Gore received £ 500,000 for his Earth Day speech, after which he borded his Gulfstream G650, en bound to Barcelona for a similar engagement.
"Who knows how long this current period of brightness and warmth may last," commented Gore as he boarded his plane Sunday afternoon. "That's why I must move on to my next speaking event as soon as possible."