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Obama’s Job Approval Ratings Still High Among His Children



by D’Leereeus Johnson, DP Managing Editor

Wednesday, November 6th, 2013,

(WASHINGTON) — Following the disastrous rollout of “Obamacare”, the President being caught in a blatant lie about people being about to keep their existing healthcare plans, and what could arguably be the worst few weeks of his administration, Barack Obama’s job approval dipped to 39–percent, according to the latest Gallup tracking numbers Tuesday. However, the same poll also found a silver lining in Obama’s ratings, citing that the President is still receiving extraordinarily high approval numbers from his closest constituents: his daughters, Sasha and Malia.

    The results found that at least two out of every two children of Obama found the President’s performance in office acceptable, if not “totally awesome,” leaving them in the minority of current public opinion. The President’s approval rating among his spawn remains in the upper 90-percentile; virtually unchanged since he took office in January 2009.  And sources close to the Obamas report similar findings.

    “Everyone thinks you’re an asshole, dad. But we love you,” reassured 15-year-old Sasha Obama to her dad last Sunday, according to an anonymous White House source.

   “The President is undoubtedly warmed to the core by the approval numbers of his offspring,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney during Monday’s press briefing. “It’s good to know you’re appreciated out there by someone –anyone. …It’s always nice to know your children don’t think you’re an asshole, too.”

     Obama is currently on a PR tour promoting the virtues of the Affordable Care Act while trying to convince people he did not actually say they could keep the current health plans they were on under the ACA, and that they didn’t hear him deny that he said that weeks ago, or deny that he denied not saying it.

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   Needless to say, Gallup’s findings from Malia and 12-year-old Sasha Obama are a much needed boost for the tottering Commander-In-Chief.

    Emboldened by Gallup’s results of all those he has sired, Obama confidently spoke to a crowd of 30 during a pro-Obamacare event in Texas, a long bastion of anti-Obama(care) sentiment.  “There’s a lot of frustration out there right now, I know. A lot of that frustration can be misplaced, misdirected,” said the President. “A lot of anger can be misdirected at me. But if our troubles with the website and the premiums were really my fault, then even my kids would be holding it against me, and they still don’t think I’m an asshole. And they’re the people closest to me than anybody. So if my kids don’t think I’m an asshole, you shouldn’t either.”

   An embattled White House Press Secretary Jay Carney echoed Obama’s theme at his White House Press briefing Wednesday, telling an increasingly hostile press corps that Americans should have more patience and faith with the President and the implementation of Obamacare if his own children still are such strong supporters.

   “The President appreciates the recent poll of his offspring and wishes more people would have as much support and enthusiasm for him and his attempt to fix what we have repeatedly admitted has been botched rollout of the Affordable Healthcare (sic) Act,” Carney told reporters before fielding questions.

     Asked ABC News correspondent Jon Karl, “Sir, is it not fair to say that Sasha and Malia Obama are in their mid-teens, and that by definition still makes them ‘children’? And would not that, combined that the President is their father dramatically skew their perception of his job performance, particularly now when it is so low?”

   “Look, Karl,” said Carney, “you can float these pseudo scenarios and lessons in sarcasm all you want for your viewers on Fox News, and…”

     “But I’m with AB…”

     “Never mind. Your sarcastic inquiries, Jon, your relentless delving into what may be what and who knew what when and…shit, I give up!”


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