"Now this is bullshit I can believe in."

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Witnesses: Michael Brown Sprouted Wings, Donned Halo Before Being Shot

 

 

 


by D'Leereeus Johnson, DP Assistant Managing Editor,

Tuesday, August 26, 2014,

(ST. LOUIS) —In yet another stunning twist in the already morbidly twisting case of a Black American teen shot by a White police officer in Ferguson, Missouri, new witnesses to the riot-spawning incident are stepping forward, and some of what they are saying they saw on August 9th is shocking prosecutors.

     Just hours after the funeral for Michael Brown on Monday, in which he was lauded to near sainthood by family, friends, and a litany of civil rights leaders and politicians claiming to have known the "gentle giant" through osmosis and socio-economic connections, witnesses began coming forward claiming that just seconds before the shooting, Michael Brown performed the supernatural and sprouted wings of an angel, and a that a golden glowing halo appeared over his head as he turned around so harmlessly to face his demonic Caucasian assailant, cloaked in blue and also "gold" (the dreaded gold badge of Ferguson law enforcement).  

     "I saw, like, (Michael Brown) be ordered to turn around by the officer," said Sheila Moynihan, a neighbor of Brown's, living just a few blocks away in Indianapolis, Indiana, "and then as he turned around Michael sprouted beautiful white wings from his back! They tore through his shirt and all and they were so pretty! Then he took off his hat and there was a golden halo over his head, and he said, 'Please, sir, do not shoot! For I am the way and the light and no one comes to the Father except through me!"

 

   "And then (Officer Darren Wilson) shot this proven angel anyway! Oh, dear Lord! Lord!" cried Moynihan after recounting what she saw, regardless that security footage shows her working her regular cash register shift at an Indianapolis WalMart when Brown was shot.

     Others who witnessed the shooting from across the nation say they saw Michael Brown not only walk towards Officer Wilson with hands and wings raised, halo donned, but that he walked on air, two-to-three feet above the ground, begging to wash Wilson's feet and proclaiming to the Heavens, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" ...or words to that effect, according to 22-year-old Metropolis Jenkins, a friend of Brown's who claims to have seen him as he was ordered to stop walking suspended in mid-air through the infamous suburban street on which he died.

 

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     Said Metropolis Jenkins while trying to sell T-shirts that read "I Survived the Ferguson Riots of 2014" alongside the funeral procession, "Brown, man, he all like walkin' on air and wings sproutin' out his ass, and he was all, like, to the cop, 'Yo, man, you got, like, dirty stinkin-ass feet! Lemme was 'em for you! ...Oh, and like, you pigs don't know shit about the Lord unless you come through me and all!' ...Then that Wilson cop shot 'em up!"

 

Growing Differences, Strife Among New Witness Accounts

     There is no doubt among the new parade of post-Michael Brown funeral witnesses now coming forward that the 18-year-old was indeed godly, perfect, a divine gift from Above, and that he physically displayed such holy distinctions moments before being gunned down, however there are inconsistencies in exactly what sorts of wings he sprouted towards Officer Wilson, what exactly was the halo over his head, what its color was or what clothes Wilson was wearing and/or transformed into and how high he hovered over the earth before he was shot (emphasis on "high").

    Contradicting Metropolis Jenkins' recounts of Brown having a halo and being still dressed in his white T-shirt and shorts, 20-year-old Oxycondone Belford, an actual resident of the neighborhood in which Ferguson was shot, said that he, along with nearly half the entire city —whom for no particular reason, come to find out— were gathered around Canfield Drive at Cooper Creek Court intersection where the altercation between Wilson and Brown occurred, and thus is perplexed by why so many accounts do not coincide with his.

     According to Bedford, Brown's "halo" was simply the reflection of the silver sticker he had on his Saint Louis Cardinals' baseball cap. But, said Bedford, upon being confronted by Wilson, Brown donned a brown cloak from head to toe, and a long walking stick, surely reflecting the image of Moses, whom, similar to Brown, had so famously fled with the Israelites out of ancient Egypt after he had looted all of the Pharaoh's Swisher Sweets and other assorted mini cigars.  

     "Brown raised his staff and made a silent prayer for Mr. Wilson, who had his gun already out," Bedford said. "That's when (Brown) began making his famous pronouncement from thousand-years-past: 'Thos who will not abide by the law, shall die by the la...' ...But it was too late, that cop shot him —shot our latter-day Moses!"

     "That wasn't no 'Moses'," said Unique Kingston, 26, a Ferguson spectator relaxing in her lawn chair with bag of popcorn and some sodas, just so coincidentally set up and reclining at the pivotal moment at that the pivotal intersection at Canfield Drive at Cooper Creek Court at 12:01 PM, August 9th, at the time of the shooting. "...That was Mahatma Gandhi, just as sure as day! ...That's what Michael Brown turned into right before he got shot! A peace-lover to the very end. Bu that pi...'police officer' shot that boy, none-less.   So sad!"

     But again, there are so many disagreements with Kingston and Bedford and so many others, prosecutors investigating the incident say they are beside themselves at all the new witnesses to the Brown shooting since his funeral.

     Said current St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert McCulloch to the AP and Duh Progressive Tuesday, "We just don't know (which witnesses) to believe anymore at this point. ...Did Michael Brown turn into Jesus right before the shooting, or Moses, or the Virgin Mary, or Gandhi, Mother Teresa, MLK, Buddha, Harriet Tubman..? We just don't know! All the witnesses' testimonies are so conflicting, yet all so compelling!"

    Added McCulloch, "I tell you, it's uncanny! I've never heard of a police-shooting victim turn into so many religious icons and famous peace-loving humanitarians at once. But I guess anything's possible. ...We really don't know where to begin. Was Brown Jesus, or some lesser but unquestionably angelic figure −that is the presiding question with these (witnesses)."

     The stream of new "eye witnesses" to Brown's shooting by patrolman Wilson include those who say that Brown turned into a combination of all of the above, and then some, according to the newest of new witnesses to the shooting.

     Said Lotus Bernard, a neighbor of Brown's who saw the whole tragic incident unfold 18 blocked away from her row home on Green Valley Drive, "That Brown boy, he be like...he be like...he be like, uhh...shit, what were we talking 'bout again? Shit!"

     "...I dunno. (Brown) be like all angelic and shit and in no way intoxicated or high or anything!" added Bernard, "Just turned into a combination of Jesus, Lincoln, Gandhi, Mama Teresa, Moses, Hitler, Mohammed, that Chinese 'Mao' and Che and all...all the great saints in history. That's all that matters. (Brown) be like all turning into all of 'em at once until that policeman shot for no reason. Killed all those angels of peace!"

   "You know, that Wilson cop said to raise his wings and hands and all other stuff, and so he be like...he be like...shiiiit, I don't know!"

     Added Bernard," You just, you know..? Like, he be like...he be like...he be like...he be like..."

 

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