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Actress Lena Dunham Says She Already Feels the Pending Republican Congress ''Invading Her Uterus''

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by Jack Lakeman, DP Editor-in-Chief

Tuesday, December 16, 2014,

(HOLLYWOOD, CA) —Not only is the pending Republican—controlled Congress scaring the daylights out of ardent Democrats and liberals throughout the nation, but are causing one famous actress acute anxiety.

     Controversial producer, actress, and HBO "Girls" producer Lena Dunham, who ignited a storm of controversy recently over revelations that the reported rape she recounted in her bestselling "memoir" (despite that Dunham is only 28 years old) "Not That Type of Girl" at the hands of a Republican while in college have been all but proved false, said Tuesday that she "already feels" the pending GOP Congress in January "invading her uterus".

    The actress, feminist, LGBT, transgender and whatever-else-leftist-sex-oriented-problem-or-supposed-oppression-activist told National Public Radio that although the U.S. Senate has yet to turn over to Republican hands (and thus control all of Congress), the lie-exposed producer still feels a "cold shiver of old white men's Christian 'meat hands' entering her vagina" and eventually making their way up into her cervix and ultimately uterus, and to dictate what she does with it, "scrape and claw their demonic claws throughout it, and ultimately destroy it". 

     Said Dunham during an interview on Los Angeles' NPR radio's Larry Mantle Show on KPCC Tuesday that the day after November's mid-term elections she awoke feeling "queasy" and like someone had "stuck a purple boot up her vagina" overnight.

     "I was assaulted, figuratively speaking this time —Republicans winning the mid-trimester elections and all... But really, I was assaulted, sexually, just by knowing Republicans had won a major victory that Tuesday night," said Dunham, seeming to hold back tears.

 

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     "I felt violated by (the Republicans' victory)," continued Dunham. "I still feel violated.  I don't care if they wore purple cowboy boots or had a gaudy mustache or even ever existed or not. ...I can already feel the pending Republican congress invading my uterus."

     When queried more by KPCC's Larry Mantle, Dunham said that it does not matter if any Republican, either already in or headed to Congress has or would be laying actual, physical hands on, or in her vagina and subsequent uterus, "the damage and trauma is still the same," according to Dunham.  "...To just know that one of our five major branches of federal government, our country, will be controlled by old, White, evangelical Christian fanatics that want nothing more than to invade my uterus, and the uteri of all America's women and tell them (the uteri) what to do with themselves...that's a 'rape' itself, isn't it?"

     "In fact, just think about this," added Dunham, " the words 'Republican' and 'rape' both begin with the letter 'R'.  Coincidence?  Huh?!  Yeah, right! There's no (expletive) coincidence about it!"

     The gaffe-prone TV producer continued her "invasion of the uteruses" tirade, calling out in particular Bill Cassidy of Louisiana, who handily defeated incumbent Senator Mary Landrieu in a run-off election on December 6th.  To Dunham, the mere fact that a man would even challenge a sitting female senator (or any woman in any office for that matter) is itself an invasion of a uterus and an assault on women in general.

     Continued Dunham, "...And to just think that this man, his meat hands, had the audacity and, and, really sheer hatred to women and people with 'lady parts' everywhere to challenge a woman and defeat her really shows just how in danger our genitals will be when Republicans take control of Congress in March...or February or whatever, something."

     The man in the crosshairs of Lena Dunham's particular example, Senator-Elect Bill Cassidy (R-LA) said he found Dunham's perception of Republicans and a pending GOP-controlled Senate "puzzling" and "troublesome", to say the least. 

     Responded the pending Louisiana Senator to Dunham's fears and "feelings" Monday, "Well, I am pro-life, if that what (Dunham) means.  I believe a woman should not have an abortion, and put her child up for adoption if the situation comes to that.  ...But besides from that, I really don't want to control what Lena Dunham does with her vagina or uterus or whatever else she has below the waist.  ..I just ate breakfast, so I really don't want to think about 'Dunham's uterus' or 'vag'."

    Cassidy said, "Look, I was elected to help the people of Louisiana, roll back federal spending, help repeal Obamacare and rebuild America's economy and stature in the world.  And I suspect most Republicans agree with me —none of us particularly want to know, let alone want to control the events pertaining to Lena Dunham's...you know...kooch!"

     Added Cassidy, "Ms. Dunham's concerns are beyond irrational.   There is no basis for them, and if she honestly feels like she is being 'assaulted' by a Republican Congress that has yet to come into office, I think she may need of extensive psychiatric care."    

     Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), who will become Leader of the Senate in January, had a somewhat stronger and curt reaction to Lena Dunham's fears and ranting from Los Angeles, Monday.   Said Senator McConnell when hearing of the actress's statements: "What?! ...Lena Dunham has a vagina?!"

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SERIOUS NOTE:  Duh Progressive believes there is a special place in Hell for people who commit rape.  Likewise, for a crime so heinous, Duh Progressive believes there is also a special place in Hell for those who make up stories and falsely accuse people of committing rape.

 

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