"Thank God I have such a long life ahead of me to enjoy this site!"

- Notorious B.I.G., February, 1997

2014: A Super ''Duh'' Year in Review

 

    We’re not going to lie, in Duh Progressive’s  opinion 2014 was not a good year for the world and America.  From missing planes to annexed peninsulas, a new Cold War, an radical Islamic army waging a very hot war and genocide, the Ebola virus, Obamacare taking effect, anti-police riots and scandals galore, humanity has experienced better years, by far.

     So we did what satirists do: we tried our best to turn lemons into lemonade. It wasn’t always easy, but we gave it a go!

    Unlike our usual “Duh Year In Reviews” when we list all of our and faux news articles and commentaries, we are choosing the top ten favorites by you, our readers, and then list our personal top five favorites.

     So as we say, enjoy, or not enjoy, or enjoy not enjoying, as we tried to make 2014 easier to endure and pretend it was not up there in the annals of America’s “suckiest years”.     We thank you for your readership and wish everyone and America a much better 2015!!   Thank you!

   DuhProgressive.com

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 #1.)  Obama to ISIS: “Stop! ...Or else I’ll say stop again!” 

 

 

Look out, that Obama’s like General Patton on steroids!

 

 

 

 

#2.)  Nation Remains Fixated on Missing Plane As Russia Finishes Annexing Alaska  

 

2014, oh, what a year of priorities (actually, more like the lack of them) 

 

 

 

#3.)  Jeb Bush Says Illegal Aliens Should Allowed ‘One Free’ DUI Fatality

 

 

#4.) WAR! — Obama Formally Disinvites Vladimir Putin to His Birthday Party!

 

This goes for you, too, ISIS!  The President can be a heartless maniac when he wants to, as Russia’s Vladimir Putin found out the hard way in 2014.

 

 

 

 

#5.)  CNN Interviews 6-Year-Old-Child “Expert” on Missing Malaysian Plane

With talk of UFOs and theories of black holes being entertained by CNN for what happened to Malaysian Flight 370, a 6-year-old “child detective” would not have shocked people to see on the network in 2014...and her “million-foot-long sharks”.

 

 #6.Target to Stop Selling Cotton-Made Products Due to Crop’s Role in Slavery

 

Another article most people believed...even from a satire site.  America had gotten so ridiculous that this was found plausible.

 

 

 

  #7.)  C.I.A.  Apologizes For Not Also Torturing Sen. Dianne Feinstein, Fellow Democrats

We were hoping the C.I.A. would be inspired to actually carry this out.  But alas, being thrown under the bus by high federal officials like Democrat U.S. senators didn’t motivate the agency.  Hey, C.I.A., it’s not too late!

 

      

 

#8.)  (COMMENTARY)  Nancy Pelosi:  “Waiting Hours Longer In the Emergency Room Will Allow You To Make New Friends” 

 

With this spoof on Nanny Pelosi in mid-January, we were sure we had started 2014 off with a bang!  Reporters even called Pelosi’s office to verify this.  Well, don’t judge a book by its cover, because although this article was one of the most successful of the year, 2014 was not as successful for our site compared to 2013.  So much for good omens ;-P.

 

 #9.)   (COMMENTARY)  Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX):  “How Many More Diseases Will Republicans Invents to Kill Black People?” 

 We live in an age of intellectual laziness, where people only read the headlines of an article, and never bother to check the source to see what it is and if it can be trusted.  For a political satirist this can be a good thing; a sad commentary on our cultural, but good for us, as evidenced by the success of this “commentary” by Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee.

 

 #10.)   Sandra Fluke: “I’d rather be a captive Nigerian girl than touched by a Republican”

 

Undisputedly our most popular article of ours in 2014.  This puppy crashed our site twice, this baby brought us down, and hopefully also helped bring Sandra Fluke, a hopeful one-day presidential candidate down during her bid to seek election in California last June.

 

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PERSONAL FAVORITES: As usual, Duh Progressive’s personal favorites are not the most popular with our readers.  Here are our top five personal favorites.

 

#1.)  Depressed Man With Severe Daddy Issues Takes Over Nation’s Airwaves

 

 

Okay.  Uh...sometimes truth overpowers funny.

 

 

 

#2.)  CPAC 2014:  Nation’s Conservatives Descend on Capital to Celebrate Their Complete Lack of Unity

 

There are occasions in which we know an article won’t be popular, but must be stated anyway because its point is too important to not be said.

 

 

#3.)  Non-Gay Americans Celebrate End of “Go Tell Somebody Who Gives a Shit” Month

 

 

(self-explanatory)

 

 

#4.)  SHOCK: Thanksgiving Turkey Obama Pardoned Now Fighting With ISIS!

 

Why this wasn’t more popular, we don’t know.  What is there NOT funny about “terror turkeys”?   We mean actual turkeys, not Democrats.   Turkeys fighting with monstrous Islamic jihadists?  What more do you want?!

#5.)  (And our personal favorite...for very personal reasons)

   Sadistic Ex-Bosses, Sociopaths, Karma...And Federal Prison

 

This article is not satirical, but was left in our regular satire news section.  I left it there because I wanted people to read it.  I want people to know about this man I worked for six years ago, before Duh Progressive was born.  Although certain lines in this peculiar piece are funny, trust me, having worked and gotten to know the man this piece is about was anything but funny.   He is to this day the worst human being I have ever known, personally, and one of these rare people you may get to know that no matter what ill fate he may meet, you will feel it was not “good enough” for him.  He deserves a lot more than disgrace and prison.   I’m confident he will get what he deserves.  But that is up to a higher power than me, Nick Taxia.

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     Duh Progressive once again thanks its readers for clicking our links and enjoying our material for yet another year.   We look forward to again making our points and spurring public discussion via the timeless art of satire (however misunderstood or tricky it may be for some people).   

     Also, remember that near the bottom of our front page (shown below) is a list of page numbers that allow readers to surf around and check out all of our articles from last year and beyond.   Thank you all again and have a great 2015!   Cheers!

    DuhProgressive.com

 

5.)  CNN Interviews 6-Year-Old-Child “Expert” on Missing Malaysian Plane 

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