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‘‘Nobody Is Going to Host My Daughter’s Drug-Crazed Satanic Orgy Prom Party This Year Except Me'’’




   There’s a trend these days of parents hosting their kids’ parties.  They allow alcohol to be served under the their watchful eye to make sure nothing gets “out of hand,” and to make sure the kids drive home sober or have a place to stay if they’re not.  The assumption by these parents is that their kids are going to go to parties and drink anyway, so why not be around to monitor things.

    But some more closed-minded folks call this irresponsible behavior by parents.  They say it’s reckless, still dangerous and sends a wrong message to kids, all signs of parents who care more about being seen as “cool buddies” by their children than they are being seen as parents.    

   This is hardly the case though with my daughter, Barbee, who knows I’m not just her best friend, but her “BFF.”  Hee hee…

    Face it fellow moms and dads, we’ve all been there.  We all snuck a few friends over while our parents were away, cracked open a beer or lit up a joint and partied.  “While the cat’s away, the mice will play,” they say.   And who was not a “mouse” sometimes growing up?   Why then should we expect our children to behave any different?

   Sure, there are some differences in behavior between us older folks and our teen kids, but the basic instincts remain.   How then can I expect my daughter, Barbee, to endure the American  tradition of high school prom night without her being plunged into some drug-crazed, Devil-worshiping gangbang/orgy party after the dancing stops and those prom kings and queens are announced?

   I know, most of us didn’t engage in dimly lit basement sex orgies surrounded by neon-painted pentagrams, whips and chains, and covered in the blood of sacrificed animals, all while smoking PCP when we were young —but that’s my point!   Times have changed, people.  Our kids like to “cut loose” a little differently than we did.  And that’s  o-k-a-y.  My generation liked to sneak out of the house and smoke pot and giggle at the stars in abandoned parking lots.  Well, teens today are a little more adventurous, so to speak.  And moms like me are fooling themselves in believing we can stop our kids from engaging in “certain activities.”   That’s why the best choice is for us responsible parents to be there for our children this prom season.

   It’s better for me to be there after my daughter’s prom to chaperone while she sacrifices that live goat, or decapitates that chicken, or drags in that spewing cow’s head, gets her bottom whipped ruthlessly with bicycle chains, busts out those Satanic daggers and crack pipes with her classmates, and then monitor as they all drench their cracked-out naked bodies in hot candle wax, mammal blood, and burn “666” into their flesh with hot pokers while engaging in an unprotected carnal rages the likes of which would make Emperor Caligula scream in terror.   Come on, you know it’s the responsible thing to do as a parent.  And it's the realistic thing to do too.

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   Why, who wants their drugged-out teenager to be slathered in steaming goat entrails while every orifice of their bodies is prodded and savaged endlessly by their entire school football team and not be around to make sure things don’t get out of hand?

    It’s time to face the facts, fellow parents: our children are going to engage in narcotic-fueled Satanic rituals during raging sadomasochistic group sex whether we like it or not.  We can’t watch over them 24-7 you know?  They’re already exposed to drugs, sex, Satanism, and Romanesque S&M orgies enough, and with no parent around to make sure nothing “too freaky” occurs.

    And who wants to be that parent who has their blood-caked kid walk through the door the day after prom with a swastika carved in their head and their clothes reeking of hedonistic sex and say, “Mom, dad, you should have been there for me?"  Certainly not me!  

    That is why I have decided to take that brave, mature step this year.   I’ve decided to host my daughter’s post-prom Satanic, LSD-inspired sex prty, opening our house to her various farm animals marked for death, and at least 28 other of her school’s cult members (admit it: like whose kid’s high school doesn’t have an animal−sacrificing sex cult or two?) this year.  I know it won’t be easy, but who said being a parent today is?

   Fellow parents, we used to think we bonded with our children more by hosting parties where they drank beer and smoked pot.  Well, that may be true.  But what does it say to our kids when we draw the line at just beer and bud?   I’ll tell you what it says: it says the other stuff is “taboo,” that it’s off limits.   And what can that attitude do except work in reverse, causing our children to take even deeper interests in the more avant-garde forms of youthful expression?

   So this year, fellow parents, don't be afraid.  Don’t let your child attend their post-prom after party with crack, LSD, flailing headless animals, Satan worship, and sex galore without a responsible adult there to make sure God-knows what doesn’t happen.  Preferably that responsible adult will be you.  I know in my case, my little “BFF” couldn’t have a better choice.  Party on, Barbee and friends!  Mommy will be there for you.

   -Sincerely,

    Tammy Lynn Fey,

     Santa Barbara, California

**Don't Forget to Follow 'Duh Progressive' on TWITTER and FACEBOOK**


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