"I laughed so long at this web site that I ran out of urine and my husband had to pee my pants for me!"

- 80 Year Old Woman

"Dear Burglar(s): All You Had To Do Was Just Ask For Our 3-Piece Bamboo Steamer Kit"

altTo the person or persons who broke into my house the other night, if you are reading this, let me just say: all you had to do was ask for our 3-piece bamboo steamer kit.

Here’s what happened for the rest of you:  My wife’s birthday was last Wednesday, and one of the things she (and me, too) always wanted was a new bamboo steamer from Whole Foods supermarket, an excellent way to cook healthier while bringing some cultural diversity to your home.  We went to bed with the steamer still on the kitchen counter in the box it came in.  And that night, we were robbed.

I woke up in the night to the sound of someone tinkering with the lock to the sliding glass door in the kitchen. I knew it was someone trying to break in! I quietly woke my wife and told her to call the police

Read more: "Dear Burglar(s): All You Had To Do Was Just Ask For Our 3-Piece Bamboo Steamer Kit"

“I Can’t Believe Those Pit Bulls We Relentlessly Abused for Years Decided to Eat My Kids”

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   Yep, it was all pretty shocking, I tell ya. Pretty shocking, indeed.  I was dumbfounded; speechless; staggered; perplexed beyond description, flung far from expectance, and rather upset to-boot. 

     Imagine how you would react if you came home to discover your three pit bull dogs you’ve relentlessly abused for years had devoured the better portion of your 4 and 5 year old kids!  Whata’ shock, you know? 

     Thomas and Shawna were sweet, innocent kids, had yet to hurt a fly, let alone a dog, and didn’t

Read more: “I Can’t Believe Those Pit Bulls We Relentlessly Abused for Years Decided to Eat My Kids”

“Accusing Me of Being a Terrorist Makes Me Want to Explode!”

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    Yes, I know Congressman Peter Kings’s “Muslim Hearings” have been over for a while, but that does not mean the hearings’ sharp sting of intolerance isn’t.  Weeks later, it still stings.

    It is a sad commentary on the state of America, when Congress holds actual hearings on the notion that some people of a particular religion in this country can be raised in it and want to harm it (as if that’s even possible).

     I am just a devout Muslim from Queens, New York, currently living somewhere around the East

Read more: “Accusing Me of Being a Terrorist Makes Me Want to Explode!”

“How Can I Ever Tell the Earth My Feelings on How My Feelings Once Felt?”

Earth Feelings    Oh, Earth, we have heard Your cries of pain, and have felt Your noble wails of woe.  Over the last few years there seems to have been so many outpourings of Your anguish, from earthquakes in Pakistan, China, New Zealand, Haiti, now Japan; tsunamis in Indonesia, floods in Australia, Europe; draughts in Africa; swine flu in Mexico, and not to mention the melting of your ice caps.

Read more: “How Can I Ever Tell the Earth My Feelings on How My Feelings Once Felt?”

Why Are Muslim Men Just So Darn Cute When They Sexually Assault People?"

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     The alleged “brutal and sustained” sexual assault of CBS reporter Lara Logan by a rampaging group of Egyptian protesters has horrified the U.S. and Western world.  As president of one of this nation’s oldest and leading feminist organizations, I must remind people how much we deplore any aggression that impedes upon a woman’s safety and dignity. 

     Now, with that being stated, I must humbly ask, seriously: why the heck are Muslim men just so darn cute when they sexually assault people?  Is it just me?  C'mon, is it me..? I don't think so.  In fact, it’s a reaction many contemporary feminists seem to have.  I mean, those men in that photo of Ms. Logan just before the gang assault began look like a hoot! They’re adorable! Awww, the little mischievous cuties!!

Read more: Why Are Muslim Men Just So Darn Cute When They Sexually Assault People?"

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