"If you ever tell anyone I like Duh Progressive my political career will be over."

- President Obama

Bi-Sexual Man Who Beat Himself Up Charged With a Hate Crime

(CHICAGO) —A married father of two has been charged under the federal hate crimes statute after breaking his jaw and nose during a fight…with himself, the Chicago Tribune reported Friday....

Read more: Bi-Sexual Man Who Beat Himself Up Charged With a Hate Crime

Study: Thinking of Jeb Bush As President Totally Reverses Effects of Viagra!

(VIRGINIA BEACH, VA) —After a long week of toiling away at their jobs and making sure their teenage kids were asleep, Virginia Beach parents Lauren and Daryl Brenton split a bottle of Malbec, Daryl popped the now famous blue Viagra pill and the couple snuggled into their bed for a night of nookie. The Brentons enjoy a healthy....

 

Read more: Study: Thinking of Jeb Bush As President Totally Reverses Effects of Viagra!

NYC Mayor de Blasio Still Baffled Why NYPD Hasn’t Saved Him From Home Intruders!

(NEW YORK)  —Hours after controversial New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio placed a frantic 9-1-1 call on Thursday evening, telling police that armed men had broken into his upper Manhattan mansion and tied up his wife and children and were ransacking his home for valuables (while the mayor hid under....

Read more: NYC Mayor de Blasio Still Baffled Why NYPD Hasn’t Saved Him From Home Intruders!

FINI: France Formally Surrenders to ISIS Following Terror Attacks

(PARIS) —Keeping with tradition, the French people have shown great solidarity and resilience following the shocking Islamic terrorist attack last Wednesday and Friday, the pinnacle being the estimated three-million-attendees at Sunday’s anti-terrorism (aka “Unity Rally”) in Paris.   The French people have vowed not to....

Read more: FINI: France Formally Surrenders to ISIS Following Terror Attacks

Santa Claus Beaten By Mob in Ferguson After North Korean Hackers Force Down Sleigh!

(FERGUSON, MO) —Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick was tragically only able to deliver gifts to half of America’s Christians Christmas Eve, after an apparent cyber attack by North Korean hackers forced Santa Claus to land in Ferguson, Missouri, where he was subsequently beaten up by a mob of angry protesters, still raging over decisions by grand juries not to....

Read more: Santa Claus Beaten By Mob in Ferguson After North Korean Hackers Force Down Sleigh!

Obama Responds to New York Police Slayings: ‘‘______ _______________.’’

(HONOLULU, HI) —President Obama may be vacationing over 7,000 miles away from the mayhem that occurred Saturday afternoon in New York, where two NYPD officers were ambushed and shot to death in an apparent “retaliation” for the lack of grand jury indictments of White police officers in the deaths Michael Brown and Eric Garner, but that still did not....

Read more: Obama Responds to New York Police Slayings: ‘‘______ _______________.’’

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