"Thank God I have such a long life ahead of me to enjoy this site!"

- Notorious B.I.G., February, 1997

Smoking Banned on Mars!

Sorry all ye future tobacco smoking astronauts, space pionners and colonizers and of the planet Mars —looks like you will have to watch your “butts,” even on the Red Planet.

Read more: Smoking Banned on Mars!

Woman Dies During Obama Speech, Completely Decomposes!

During a speech in front of roughly 1,000 people at the University of Wisconsin’s Young Auditorium, Monday, a woman sitting in the front row behind President Obama suffered a fatal heart attack, but remained “seated” throughout Obama’s seemingly endless speech, which lasted so long that the woman, identified as 58-year-old Deborah Langston, of Fitchburg, passed through the entire decomposing process, ending up as a mere skeleton by the time Obama finished his address.

Read more: Woman Dies During Obama Speech, Completely Decomposes!

City Votes to Ban ‘‘Whites Only’’ Wedding

Like the Onleys, Thomas and Lucille Wytes also hoped their 28-year-old son, Justin, would marry after college, as they had.  And neither family could be more pleased with their child’s choice for spouse.  However, such a glorious occasion has been crushed for both families, and not because of cold feet on the part of Justin or Jessica.

Read more: City Votes to Ban ‘‘Whites Only’’ Wedding

Trayvon Martin Witness, Nabisco Team Up to Launch ‘‘Creepy-Ass Cracka’’ Crackers

“There’s no stopping what can’t be stopped!” says the villain from the 1990 horror film Predator II. The same could be said for the deal that was just announced today between Nabisco, the nation’s largest assorted snack producer, and Rachel Jeantel, the star witness for the prosecution in the George Zimmerman trial.

Read more: Trayvon Martin Witness, Nabisco Team Up to Launch ‘‘Creepy-Ass Cracka’’ Crackers

Obama on 4th of July: ‘‘I can’t believe I have to miss a good day of golf for this crap!’’

(WASHINGTON) —A "hot mic" has apparently picked up some very unflattering words from President Obama this Fourth of July, and may plunge him deeper into some very hot water. "Hot" or "open mics" frequently catch....

Read more: Obama on 4th of July: ‘‘I can’t believe I have to miss a good day of golf for this crap!’’

NSA Whistleblower Now Curiously Recanting His Claims of Mass Spying

“AAAAAAAA! No, please! Aaaa! Aa…Aaaaaaaaaa…!” Such are the humble words of the “new” Edward Snowden Friday, recanting his claims of massive U.S. government spying on Americans’ electronic communications, after Chinese officials, cooperating with the U.S., agreed to interrogate the now word-famous whistle-blower “just to set the record straight.”

Read more: NSA Whistleblower Now Curiously Recanting His Claims of Mass Spying

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