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SOTU: President Obama Wins First Round of ''Master of the Obvious''

 


by Denise Half-Black-Half-White-Non-Biased-Female

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

(WASHINGTON) —President Obama seemed to pull no punches, only fast ones in Tuesday night’s State of the Union address, unofficially kicking off his re-election campaign by winning the first round of “Master of the Obvious,” a time-honored game played among competing presidential candidates.

     U.S. presidents using their State of the Union addresses as informal campaign platforms in election years is nothing new, and neither is “Master of the Obvious,” a quaint game in which presidential candidates state vacuous platitudes and facts so blaringly obvious that they are downright insulting, however are chalked up as profound and poignant campaign rhetoric.   Usually, whoever wins the game of Master of the Obvious (as well as the equally crucial game of “Master of the Comfortably Obvious”) wins the presidential election.

     President Obama did not miss the opportunity Tuesday to let Americans know his clever insights, the greatest one being, according to the President last night, We also know that when students don’t walk away from their education, more of them walk the stage to get their diploma. When students are not allowed to drop out, they do better,” according to the President last night.

  Indeed, studies everywhere indicate that U.S. students tend to do better in school when they are physically present in them, enabling them to hear and see  what is required of them to gain a successful education. A recent Gallup poll showed a shocking 99-percent failure rate among students who were no longer students, having left school premises and thus the educational environment completely for years. More shocking, however, was a 2009 Pew Research Center study that suggested and overwhelming number of students who had died before graduating from school failed to graduate from school (however still managed to go on to vote).

     “Dead students make for poor learners,” said Education Secretary Arne Duncan after the President’s speech Tuesday evening. “Although the President wasn’t wrong in his declaration about students who drop out, I was hoping he would discuss an equally important issue, in my estimation: the learning gap between kids who are alive as opposed to kids who are not alive. That’s also a major problem we’re facing.”

     Cynthia Mahanoy, of Cleveland, OH, said she was disappointed in Obama’s failure to address the dead-graduation-rate (or rather lack of) problem in Tuesday’s address.   The 29-year-old self-described “aluminum pole-dependent artiste” tragically lost her twin daughters, 8-year-olds Ashley and Britney in a car accident during a blizzard in 2010. Since then Mahoney said she has been unable to convince the deceased duo to renew their former enthusiasm for going to school.

   “They’re apathetic, lethargic, aloof…It’s like they’re not even aware of the opportunities they have for an education,” said Mahoney of her dead kids to Duh Progressive Wednesday.   “It’s like I can’t get them to do anything. They haven’t gone to school one day since their deaths. And it’s beginning to show in their grades!”

     Added a dismayed Mahoney, “I really was hoping (Obama) would talk about this problem last night.   It’s like he doesn’t even care, either.”

 

Can’t Please ‘Em All:  Obama Rolls Along With Stunning Observations

   The President however continued to make bold pronouncements that are sure to put any of his potential Republican opponents this fall to the test.   With such grandiose proclamations as, “We can do better,” “This is a critical time in our country,” “women should earn equal pay for equal work,” “an economy built to last is one where we encourage the talent and ingenuity of every person,” to, “We’ve all paid the price for lenders who sold mortgages to people who couldn’t afford them (at the government’s behest), and buyers who knew they couldn’t afford them,” and, “our military is strong,” President Obama laid out a challenging course for his future GOP presidential rival to travel, leaving pundits wondering if any of the four remaining Republican presidential contenders will be able to match Obama’s performance at “Master of the Obvious.”

     Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi lauded Obama’s performance Tuesday night, but, like Cynthia Mahoney, said she was a bit dissatisfied at Obama’s failure to remind Americans that they still breathe oxygen and need to eat food to sustain life.

     Said Pelosi (D–CA) to Duh Progressive Tuesday night, “The speech was great, (Obama’s) best yet. However I feel that in these trying times he needed to remind the average American out there that they are still breathing oxygen in the country, and that they still must eat food to survive.   Those are vital aspects of our nation’s situation the President seemed to overlook.”

     Whether Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, et al, can match Obama in the game of Master of the Obvious remains to be seen.   Already Romney has repeated Obama’s rhetoric at a rally in Sarasota, FL, this morning, proclaiming, “We, as a nation, can do better!”   While former U.S. senator Rick Santorum was heard outside Jacksonville saying, “We, as a country, can do better.”

     Standing before members of the Palms Springs Jewish Community Center, a surging Newt Gingrich, for his part, again reaffirmed his commitment to Israel and vowed to protect the Jewish state if elected president. However in Gingrich’s case, the audience cheered, not giggled hysterically as some said they did when Obama mouthed the same thing last night.

 

NOTE: Duh Progressive appreciates and invites interaction with and between its readers.   While our crack reporting is virtually unmatchable, the sad fact is that we cannot cover it all, and cover it all the time.  So, if anyone reading believes we may have missed an addition President Obama made to the game of Master of the Obvious in Tuesday night’s State of the Union speech, we would love to hear from you.   As always, please refrain from offensive language.  You may add your input in the comment boxes below. Thank you.  

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