Dear Friends and Ditto-Heads,
I am finally gaining the strength to apologize for not being on the air for the week of June 8 through June 12.
Unlike my usual reasons for why I routinely take leave from the E.I.B. Network, this last absence of mine was neither usual or in any way pleasurable. I again humbly thank Mark Steyn, Buck Sexton, Rodger Hedgecock, and Erick Erickson for filling in for me during that week. I am also apologizing in advance, because there is no telling when I may take leave next, or for how long. And this is because... man, this is so difficult to say, but I must... is because I have been too busy contemplating committing suicide after seeing on Sunday, June the 7th, that the conservative/libertarian‒leaning satirical website, DuhProgressive.com, was no longer in production.
Dear Christians Around the World,
Before anything else, I must apologize to the First Family of the United States’ and all their guests who attended their annual White House Easter Egg Roll, which I attended, as always, on Monday, April the 6th. As many of you know, there was an incident and controversy that took place during the annual White House “Easter Egg Roll” celebration when hundreds of children, participating in the Easter egg hunt portion of the day’s activities discovered hundreds of plastic Easter eggs not containing candy or small gifts, but quotes from the Islamic Quran and the Hadith.
My Fellow Americans,
In my last days as your Attorney General I cannot help but reflect on my time as your top law enforcement officer, specifically the last year as your AG.
I’m saddened that my last year in office was marred in controversies involving police-involved shootings and deaths of predominately young African-American men. We all know what I’m talking about. Naturally these tragic incidents not only revealed existing racism of law enforcement towards the Black community, but racist feelings in general across America. My last year in office exposed to me how deeply racist attitudes still exist in our supposedly great nation, but also how we, as Americans, can proceed in eradicating racism from our culture once and for all. And I, your soon-to-be former Attorney General, have the greatest idea of how to erase racism from or society.
Dear Fellow Americans,
Among the many fears people are expressing about the Affordable Care Act is the supposed extra hours it will force people to spend if they have the misfortune of having to go to hospital emergency rooms.
Critics claim that those enrolled in “Obamacare” (a term I personally dislike but have to use, or else the commoners out there won’t know what I’m speaking about) will be forced to sit even longer