(Warning: the following contains strong language and may not be suitable for all readers.)
(This heartwarming parody of "A Night Before Christmas" was originally written in 2012, as we were trying to get over Obama's re-election. Hence some of the references and topics are a bit outdated. But it is still a charming read and we still hope you enjoy it two years later. Thank you! —Duh Progressive)
'Twas the night before a certain faith-based celebratory occasion, and all through the house,
Not a creature was aware of an approaching louse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney we don't use,
For proud liberals we are, so we dare not light its fuse.
Look, this is a very simple equation. There's no big mystery here. This current Ebola virus outbreak in American and its ravishing of West Africa has been due to one thing and one thing alone. And we all know, even if we're too scared to admit, what current epidemic of this "African" disease is about and who is behind it. Because, well, I have just partly stated it —this current outbreak of Ebola is just another one of the Republicans' endless attempts at trying to exterminate or diminish the amount of Black people, around the world but especially in America.
There you have it, America, straight from me, one of your country's most enlightened and revered representatives, Sheila Jackson Lee of Texas' 18th district.
My Fellow Americans,
I'm throwing in the towel! I have had enough. ...No, I'm not resigning from office, and will run again as long as my health allows me to. But "my health" is mainly why I'm writing to you today.
Anyone who pays attention to politics in this country knows of all the ludicrous, outlandish, false, nonsensical, incoherent, and, for lack of better terms, down-right jackassical statements I make on a nearly daily basis. My biggest and most controversial belch of verbal feces yet being that 'civilization itself would be in jeopardy' if Republicans win the Senate in November. That's my best (i.e. worst) work yet. Before that we all know my career as a lawyer, congresswoman, House Speaker, Minority Leader...indeed, my very pathetic existence has been pockmarked by one haphazard
Dear White America,
It's obvious the month of August was very disapointilizing for Black and white race relations, especially in Missouri. The shooting of the unarmed young Black teen, Michael Brown, by a white police officer in Ferguson has intensified the light shining on it. More sad, the murder of young Black men at the hands of police officers is something that all of America, but especially white America, should be ashamed of and working to prevent.
But the sad truth of the matter is that white America isn't, hasn't, or will ever lift a finger to rectify or rein it their police, with their brutality and "justified" murders of Black men supposedly "resisting" arrest. And the truth behind why that is, is that white people and their terrorists in police uniforms
Hola, Mis Amingos,
Hee! You like that? That is going to be my greeting to you from now on. So get used to it. Lo siento (that means “I’m sorry”)! Hee-hee! I’m getting used to learning this whole Español talk. And I’m excited to learn it, as you should be, too. We all should be excited!
This year has seen our southern border opened like never before to child refugees from mainly Central American countries. Some have come here with their parents or guardians, whose so interesting and many tattoos tickled me to no end when I went to see these Central American kids at the detention centers we’re created for them in June. I can’t wait until we can all hug them warmly into our growing, multicultural American family.