"Now this is bullshit I can believe in."

- George Will

Depressed Man With Severe Daddy Issues Takes Over Nation’s Airwaves



by Michael Madshack, DP Assistant Editor

Wednesday, January 29th, 2014,

(WASHINGTON) —Thoroughly perplexed and/or bored to tears by what they had brought upon themselves yet again, millions of Americans watched Tuesday night as a tall, brown, middle-aged man took to the nation’s airwaves to subliminally espouse his subconscious conflicts with his father and other childhood issues, all while superbly disguising them in the cloak of what his plans and visions are for a nation of over 310 million people.

     The strange man, described as being in his early 50s and sporting enormous ears, stood before a joint session of Congress for 65 minutes, laying out what he wished to accomplish for the United States in 2014, and thus in essence hoping to gain acceptance from the father who had dumped him as a child, never allowing the two to grow and lovingly bond as normal fathers and sons should.

     Tuesday night marked the fifth time the bizarre man, rumored to be a top federal employee, presented himself before the nation’s two legislative bodies and proclaimed his latent desires to live up to the egalitarian, anti-colonial sentiments of his father, thereby hopefully and finally winning his embracement, even though his father wrapped himself around a tree in a speeding car and drunken stupor 32 years ago and died, thus depriving the man speaking to Congress Tuesday night of any final reconcilement with his sire.

  Nonetheless, national television and radio stations tuned in, airing once again the alleged top government official’s thinly veiled attempts at adapting to his deceased father’s radical political ideology in a nation that was founded and has thrived on almost the totally opposite views of the world.

     “I don’t believe in reincarnation,” said Washington Post columnist and Fox News contributor George Will, as he watched the tall man with elephant-like ears blither before the nation, “but if there was anyone I wish could come back from the dead, it would be this man’s father, so he could come to terms with his rejection and not try to live up to what his dad believed by pushing his (father’s) radical views on the nation. …Look, this is Psychology 101 we’re dealing with here.”

     “It’s sad,” added Will. “He is sad. Who is even watching this ghastly display of one man’s grappling with his ‘daddy issues’ anymore? Who’s even watched this depressing spectacle tonight besides me and the rest of us who get paid to watch and comment on it? Which, by the way, the pay is not enough. …Jesus!”

     As the nationally televised tall man with a mellow, enticing cadence blathered on Tuesday evening, even former supporters of his were finally coming to grips with the fact that the policies and ideas he was and has been promoting were eerily not his, nor those of the college faculty staff that, in truth, really “raised” him.

    Said Dr. Sarah Brenner, a psychologist specializing in family and couples’ therapy in New York, “I voted for Obama twice; the second time not as enthusiastically as the first, but I still did. But now, tonight, it finally dawned on me. ‘It’ finally hit me. …I’m a licensed and trained psychologist, but tonight it finally hit me: this man has been seeking acceptance from his dead father for the past thirty years; championing his (father’s) beliefs and parroting what was taught to him by his adopted faculty lounge family.”

     Continued Dr. Brenner, 56, to Duh Progressive Tuesday, “It’s like we’ve elected a man who’s on a personal vendetta disguised as a national quest. And it’s pathetic. It’s pathetic for us as a people, a nation, and pathetic for this guy who’s using us as all as a guinea pig for his personal quest for acceptance.”

     “We’re living in a world that is increasingly being populated by people who come from broken homes, therefore broken psyches, broken hearts, diluted minds and skewed perceptions of society and human history,” added Brenner. “Much of it is understandable, but that still does not excuse their warped interpretations of the world.

     “They have others to turn to; normal, stable people to look to, others to mimic; others who weren’t abandoned, rejected, thrown away by absentee fathers and Me-Me-Me-Generation mothers; mothers who not thought of their children as chores, but actual children, yet did not embark on a life-long quest to seek a sickening twist of vengeance and acceptance by those who truly neglected them. ….We’re living in a nation of increasing broken homes, and so broken children who become broken adults, having so-called ‘daddy’ and ‘mommy issues,’ and breed more broken children who breed even more broken adults, etcetera. Such sort of pent-up angst and deep-seeded humiliation from childhood needn’t be an excuse to drive 310 million people into the dirt, all in hopes of gaining an acceptance this president can never obtain from the only man who could ultimately give it to him. …This man needs to be on my couch for serious counseling, not behind the desk of the most powerful office on earth.”


SERIOUS NOTE: Duh Progressive understands that this particular piece of “satire” may not be our usual style. It is admittedly deeper and darker than we normally go. However we believe it is something that must be said, loud and clear.   This piece may be more suitable for our “TRUE OP-ED” section than our regular satirical news. Yet we posted it in our satirical news for a reason (more people will read it).   No person with the painful, turbulent background as Barack Obama should ever be placed into the position of power he has been granted; no one, no matter their race, color, nationality or creed. Very visceral, emotional turmoil can be harbored by such a person with Mr. Obama’s background, and we wish our fellow Americans look more closely at such a candidate’s personal history before electing them to the highest office in the world. For a more in-depth (i.e. not satirical) explanation of Barack Obama and his psyche, we ask you to read our TRUE OP-ED piece, Murder, Rape, Repression, and the ‘‘Real Story’’ Barack Obama Would Love to Tell, which was published before Dinesh D’Souza’s “2016: Obama’s America” was released.

Thank you.

-Duh Progressive



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