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Poll Finds Ebola Virus More Popular Than President Obama!



by Diane Jameson, DP staff

Wednesday, October 29, 2014,

(NEW YORK) —Not only in the city where the newest case of the West Africa's deadly Ebola virus has been confirmed in the U.S., but outside New York a new nationwide poll is showing shattering results for President Obama's job approval rating and causing even greater fear for Democrats desperate to hold on to the U.S. Senate after November 4th.

     Conducted over two weeks, a Gallup poll found more Americans having a higher opinion of the Ebola virus itself than they did the President's performance in office.

    Correct.  According to Gallup, 51% to 49% of voters polled said they viewed the extremely contagious Ebola virus, which has now killed roughly 5,000 people in its worst outbreak in history and struck fear across much of the nation (the most recent case in the U.S. being a doctor in New York who had recently returned from working with Ebola patients in Guinea), more favorably than Mr. Obama's performance as president, with an even higher percentage (57%) of those surveyed saying they found the organ-liquefying disease more trustworthy and effective in its job than President Obama is in his.

    "These findings by Gallup are truly disturbing, indeed," said former national Democrat campaign manager and USA Today columnist Bob Beckel, Wednesday.  "It's really not looking good for Obama when he's less popular than a disease that leaves people in agonizing pain for days, vomiting and crapping out their own guts until they die a horrible, excruciating death. ...This certainly won't help the Democrats nationwide, either.  If (Democrats) are able to hold on to the Senate now, I'll be very surprised."

     According to one of Gallup's leading pollsters and strategists, Allan L. McCutcheon, Ph.D., the world famous public pulse taking firm originally begun the poll a month ago as a inside joke among some of the staff.  "It was a slow day and a few up us were goofing around and called some random people pretending to be serious about which did they prefer and trust more: the Ebola virus or the President?  We were shocked by the answers we found.  It was incredible!"

    After the goofing-off Gallup pollsters encountered "Ebola over Obama" as honest answers, they began to conduct their survey in earnest.  What they discovered over the course of the next 14 days assailed them, even after news of a new case of an Ebola-stricken doctor erupted from Harlem, New York.

     Said a shaken and bewildered Dr. McCutcheon to Duh Progressive'scrack reporters, Wednesday, "I'm...I am just crestfallen!  This is not like anything I've ever seen in my experience as a pollster or from any of my training in statistics and gauging public opinion! ...A man, let alone a president —the President of the United States— being less popular or preferable to a virus that has an eighty to ninety percent death rate and is extremely susceptible and leaves its victims in horrible pain for days...even if it doesn't kill them?  I'm sorry, but this is beyond me."


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     Added Dr. McCutcheon, "This (poll) speaks beyond the public's state of feelings of despair in America now.  This goes much, much deeper.  Is it Michelle Obama's school lunches..?  If so, then yes, I would certainly prefer an 'Ebola Burger' to them. ...Ebola Burger, bring it on!"

     Said Baton Rouge resident Louis Lovejoy, one of the many thousands of voters who will help decide of the most crucial Senate races in Louisiana on November 4th, "I mean, we have endured this president for six years now and, from what I've heard, Ebola victims only live a month or so with their terrible disease.   Doesn't seem fair to me.  One month leading to a horrible death compared to eight years of a slow, agonizing death of a nation, championed by mainly one man?  Pardon me, but I'll take my Ebola, thank you."

     Lovejoy's concerns reflect much of what the Gallup poll found in how likely voters rate Ebola in comparison to President Obama.   Gallup found that most of those who favor the Ebola virus over the President cited several reoccurring factors:

    1.) The Ebola virus is more honest than President Obama (it does not bullshit people in what it is ultimately about and wants to do to you).


     2.) The Ebola Virus is quick in killing you, literally (unlike a Commander-in-Chief who wants to slowly draw out the demise of your average poor and middle-class citizens and nation).


    3.) The Ebola virus knows exactly what it's doing.


    4.) The Ebola virus does not apologize for being the Ebola virus, or for any nation or people it infects.


   5.) The Ebola virus isn't a pussy!


   6.) The Ebola virus doesn't speak.  Its victims, do, yes, but the actual virus itself does not possess the power to verbally communicate (unlike President Obama, whom, of the majority of those surveyed, now regret this ability of his).


   "I mean, I don't want to catch Ebola or anything like that.  I don't want to die a horrible death by some weird disease," said John Costello, 43, who plans on voting in North Carolina's hotly contested Senatorial race on November 4th.  Added the Kitty Hawk native to reporters, Wednesday, "It's not like I 'support' the Ebola virus or anything.  I wish it would never infect or kill anyone again.  I wish it was gone, like all killer diseases.   But, you know, compared to Barack Obama..?  To have to go through eight more years of him —not like that's possible, but just saying if it was— ...ehh, forgive me, but I think I'd rather catch Ebola. I'd rather take my chances with that.  I'm sorry."

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