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Despite Summit, World Still Plagued by ‘‘Random Angry Unknown Folks’’

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by Ibrahim al-Lincoln, DP Official Muslim Civil War Re-enactor,

Thursday, February 19, 2014,

(WASHINGTON) —After a highly publicized White House summit on “radical extremism” Wednesday, President Obama concluded that the rash of seemingly endless murderous attacks by “random angry unknown folks” throughout the West and in the Middle East is an immediate threat that must be stopped at all costs.

     The world has been rocked almost daily throughout the past few years by shootings, stabbings, bombings, and other atrocities throughout Western societies and the Middle East by what the White House has come to be officially call “Random Angry Unknown Folks” (RAUFs), and the Obama administration will “quadruple” on its efforts to stop these seemingly motiveless random angry people who have been plaguing the world with their seemingly “senseless, pointless, motivation-lacking non-descript acts aimed at apparently no one in particular”, according to State Department Spokesperson Jennifer Psaki.

     Said Psaki in a press conference Wednesday evening, “We cannot deny it any longer —the world has been overrun by random, nondescript, completely angry and murderous people, and no one seems to know who they are, why they’re doing what they’re doing, or how to find them and stop them! No one in the administration is denying that the West —the world, really— has been experiencing random attacks on completely random people, seemingly without any motive or purpose. ...And the administration is taking all the appropriate steps to find out who these people are who keep carrying out attacks like in Paris, Copenhagen, killing Coptic Christians in the Middle East, the Fort Hood shooting, the Boston Marathon bombings, and heck, even on 9/11.”


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     Continued Psaki, “...Like, who are these people?! We don’t know! No one in the government has been able to figure out who these arbitrary, murdering maniacs are or why they’re doing this. All we know is that they are predominately of Islamic faith, worship ‘Allah’, believe in the Muslim prophet Muhammad, and attack non-Islamic believers throughout the world and have been murdering people in Europe, in the United States, Australia, and throughout the Middle East for decades. ...But beyond that we don’t know anything about them. ...It is a total mystery that the administration is trying to solve as fast as possible!”

     Illinois Congressman Keith Ellison, the only Muslim to be elected and serving in Congress agreed with Psaki, saying in a formal press release before the White House summit: “While the great majority of terrorist attacks throughout the world are troubling, and are being carried out by a certain people of a certain religion with a very sharp, pointed agenda, we still do not know who they are or what they want, if there even is a particular group to which they belong to. It’s an enigma of who these random, angry, apparently motive-lacking folks are, and why they are doing what they’re doing.”

      While random, angry, unknown people are carrying out attacks against people unlike them in Western societies may be a “mystery” the Obama administration, opponents of the government’s formal stance have a vastly different opinion on who and why the world has been repeatedly pelted with deadly attacks from these seemingly unknown, nihilistic, just “simply angry folks”.

     “What...in...the...(expletive)...is the problem here with this administration?” said a clearly emotional New York representative Peter King (R-NY) on CNN after the President’s “violent extremism” summit. “...These people beheading people in ISIS−controlled territories in Syria and Iraq, bombing us during marathons at home, blowing up buses in Britain, killing staffs of newspapers in Paris, shooting up a joint in Copenhagen because one of the artists there drew a picture of the prophet Mohammad. ...They’re (expletive) Muslims —they’re radical Muslim terrorists! Jesus Chr...what is so hard to figure out who these people are, what group they belong to, and what they want to achieve —world-wide Islamic domination; the world completely dominated by a seven-hundred-year-old code of sharia law! ...Good Lord, I’m no religious scholar or anthropologist, but it doesn’t take a Noam Chomsky to figure out what and who the f**k these people are, what they believe, and what they want to do to all ‘non-believers’; infidels! Helen Keller could figure this out, and she’s blind and deaf and dead for God’s sake! Jesus, forget 9/11, just look at the past year of Islamist attacks on...”

      Congressman’s interview on CNN was cut short, due to him speaking too much of the ................... this article has been cut short, due to its telling too much of the tru..!  OVER.  


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