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Obama Just Learning of Existence of This Mysterious ‘‘Hillary Clinton’’ From the News!


by Joel Legnutt, DP staff

Thursday, March 12, 2015,

(WASHINGTON) —President Obama was reportedly shocked and stunned to learn from simply watching the news on Wednesday of the existence of this formally unknown yet very important “Hillary Clinton” person whom not only had been his Democratic primary opponent in 2007 and 2008, but had also been his Secretary of State from 2009 to 2013.

     Just two days after former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton addressed the growing scandal over her private e-mail accounst while she was the Secretary of State Department during a United Nations conference on women’s rights around the world Tuesday, President Obama was formally informed of her existence on Earth by his staff late Wednesday, after, according to Obama, first hearing her name mentioned on CNN and MSNBC for the first time.

     Adding insult to injury, according to White House insiders president Obama was “stunned beyond denial” that Clinton not only existed, but had been part of his executive cabinet and played a critical role in maintaining and forming United States foreign policy for four years.

     “The president was crestfallen, that’s just the best way to put it,” said White House Press Secretary Joshua Earnest, Wednesday.  “...To find out that this ‘Hillary’ person was part of his highest staff for years and has has fallen under so much scrutiny recently was really a blow to Mr. Obama.  But I can say that the President certainly thanks the press, profusely, for bringing the existence of this woman and his knowing her to his attention.   Now we have to figure out where we go from here.”

     Unnamed sources from the White House told the Associated Press (which has filed a lawsuit demanding the release of all of Clinton’s private e-mails while being Secretary of State) that upon learning of Clinton’s existence and close relationship to the President, Mr. Obama nearly broke into tears, exclaiming, “Why am I always the last one to find out about these things? ...Benghazi? —I didn’t know until days later! ...The tapping of news organizations' phones and e-mails and the NSA spying..? —who was I to know?!  ...The IRS targeting conservative groups more than any others? —how was I supposed to know?! ...And these ‘ISIS folks’ being just a ragtag ‘JV’ team of terrorists?  —what, people act like I’m some guy who’s supposed to know about that, too!   People think I’m supposed to know all these things that are going on around me; in the country and around the world, but I’m just some average guy! ...I’m just the President of the United States! ...I'm just some regular dude!”

     Supporters of the President immediately jumped to his aid Wednesday night, with former White House Senior Advisor David Axelrod taking to the air on MSNBC, saying on The Last Word with Lawrence O’Donnell that it is perfectly understandable how someone with such a hectic schedule as President Obama would be “caught off guard by the double-whammy” of not only finding out that Hillary Clinton exists, but that he once knew her and had her in his cabinet in one of the most important roles a president can appoint a person to in representing his administration and the United States.


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     Said Axelrod to O’Donnell, “Look, you can’t expect a man like Mr. Obama to know of every person he knows or has to deal with, or has working for him from one day to the next, even top administration officials like Mrs. Clinton.  ...Like, who really was she? —we don't know!  That’d just be unreasonable to know all of that kind of menial stuff when you're the president.”

    Continued Axelrod, sarcastically, “Like, you’re (the president) are swarmed by so many different people every day...one face after another in front of you, each having their own jobs and complaints and doing things on behalf of the executive branch.  ...I mean, like, who’s to know who it is they’re dealing with and talking to and why, why, when you’re someone who's under so much work and stress like President Obama...who after all is under much more stress than other presidents due to  the mess left for him by George W. Bush?   So if you think about it, (Obama) just now learning of Hillary Clinton and that she worked for him is really Bush’s fault.”

    But according to Fox News’ morning show Fox and Friends’ guest Judge Andrew Napolitano Thursday morning, Obama’s discovery that there is a "Hillary Clinton person" in the world and that she is the wife of former president Bill Clinton and that she was his Secretary of State does not exactly pass “the smell test”.

     “I really don’t know what to do anymore at this point in dealing with these never-before-seen antics of this administration,” said Napolitano, rubbing his palm over his face in dismay.   “I used to laugh at them, but I’ve run out of laughter.   Then I resorted to crying about them, especially after Obama’s re-election.  But I’ve run out of tears.  Now I just don’t know what to do.  Is...is jumping off a bridge next?   Really..?   I know my religion  (Roman Catholic)  considers suicide to be a sin, but under these circumstances, ehhh...I think God would give anyone a pass on that at this point.”

     Chief Obama defender David Axelrod, though, is not about to commit suicide, not by a long shot, even if his excuses of President Obama’s behavior and absolute ignorance off all things unpleasant prove utterly impossible.   Added Axelrod on MSNBC, “We have to think about the White House as like a little neighborhood, you know?  ...Obama’s little own neighborhood.   And that’s all Mr. Obama looked at Hillary as being —just some nameless, random, harmless little old woman in his neighborhood.  That’s all!  Think about it.”

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