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Mexican President Enrique Nieto Now Officially Only Person Left in Mexico


(From WIRES)

Sunday, March 22, 2015,

(MEXICO CITY) —Being lonely sucks. Almost every person can agree on that. And now-a-days, Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto may probably count himself as suffering from the most acute case of loneliness in the world, for as of March 21st.

   Presidenté Enrique Peña Nieto sits alone in his office in Mexico City, eyes rose−colored red, but not from a night of heavy tequila consumption, but from a night of tears released due to loneliness.   Nieto, 48, picks up his executive phone to call Mexico’s Interior Minister...no answer.   Nieto then calls the office of his Secretary of National Defense, Salvador Zepeda, but no one answers.   Nieto proceeds to call all of his cabinet members, generals, Mexico’s governors and even his wife and children....  No answer.   For President Nieto is now officially the last Mexican in Mexico; with all other Mexicans, including his lovely and extensive family, all his cabinet members, military commanders and rest of his governmental officials and entire citizenry now officially fled, gone...and almost all of them in the United States. 

     Even random residents of his country President Nieto cannot locate, just for a quick chat on the phone.  He looks up this chef and staff at his favorite restaurant and calls...no onw answers.  Mr. Nieto wanders Mexico City’s streets, seeing no one, and knows that there is no street in his beloved country where he will find a single soul these days.

     Also known is that it is no secret that the Mexican government has been trying everything it can to funnel as many of its residents out of Mexico and into other nations (namely the U.S., since time immemorial).   But now that it has become apparent that that Mexico’s decades’ long dream of America’s southern neighbor sending its residents mainly up north has been finally realized, in all totality, its president, Mr. Nieto, is feeling acutely lonely, being the officially last Mexican left in his vast, beautiful country; his only companions now being press reporters who are visiting to interview him on how he feels being the last man in an entire nation of once nearly 120 million people.

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     Said a visibly disconsolate President Nieto to a small team of international reporters, including the Associated Press, Sunday, “We wanted people to leave Mexico, go to other countries and send their earnings from them back.  That’s how we’ve (Mexico) been doing for years.  But it’s gotten a little ‘out of control’, you know?  ...So out of control that now no one is left in Mexico!  I can’t believe this.  How did this happen so quickly, like overnight?!”

     Steadfastly sticking to his job as Mexico’s president, Mr. Nieto now goes about his days making his own breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and swimming alone in his family’s pool.  His family, by the way, now lives in Silicon Valley, California, investing and helping to create the pending “I-Eye” (the I-Phone that is surgically implanted in ones eye of choice, and, as rumor has it, is to become available in 2017 or 2018).  Nevertheless, President Nieto has held strong emotions pertaining to his family and everyone he personally knows and loves leaving Mexico and him in limbo.

     “I don’t blame Monica (Nieto’s wife) and the kids for leaving, too.   After all, that’s what we’ve been wanting our citizens to do for years,” said President Nieto to Reuters.  “But I’m...I’m just a little lonelier than I thought I would be. ...I’m the president of United States of Mexico.   It’s my duty to remain here, as its president, and I’m willing to do that.  I just didn’t realize how lonely I would be, being the only Mexican left in Mexico.”

     Obviously all international trade with Mexico has stopped, its police force disbanded/absent, its internal domestic trade no more, and its airports shut down, with only planes carrying international reporters landing in them to interview the last Mexican in Mexico, who has been all the more than willing to express his unexpected despondency at his country’s ultimate wish, if not fate, to have all of its citizenry leave.  

     Mr. Nieto continued to lament to reporters how alone it felt being the last Mexican in Mexico, even though it has been its unofficial national policy by one way “or another” to force its people to be anywhere but in Mexico.  When several international reporters concluded their interviews with President Nieto and began to leave his presidential estate, Nieto reportedly pleaded with them, “No...please, don’t leave!  Everyone is gone except for me!  I’m so lonely!  Won’t you stay for a while longer?   I have top-of-the-line tequila and I make some mean-ass guacamole and enchiladas!  ...Please, stay with me!”

     But like many (former) Mexican residents and people of the United States (i.e. Mexicans!) 61-year-old cattle rancher Dwight Brown of Del Rio, Texas is feeling no sympathy for El Presidenté Nieto and his loneliness at finally having achieved what so many Mexican presidents and their wishes have finally achieved.  Having to hire extra employees (obviously Mexicans −legal Mexicans) to help run his ranch as he daily patrols the outskirts of his home trying, sometimes with his life at stake, to propel the onslaught of illegal Mexican migrants from “don’t-mind-if-we-do” crossing through his ranch on their way to a better life in the U.S., Brown is one of millions of native and/or legal residents of the U.S. not about to send President Nieto any sympathy cards.

     Said Mr. Brown to Duh Progressive, Sunday, “What, almost all the Mexicans are here (in the U.S.).  That’s been the case for years. Many are welcomed ‘guests’...they bring their skills, their ambition, their conservative values, their hard work ethic, and that’s fine...  But it’s the whole ‘legality of entry’ thing that gets to me and so many of us.”

     Added rancher Brown in a bizarre twist of admission, “...I mean, hey, I don’t feel sorry for a president whose country has made its biggest business out of sending its citizens into other (prosperous) countries to work and send back home the money they make in those countries.   But I think finally it has gone way, way, too far, even for Mexico.  ...I feel bad for President ‘Nato’ —or whatever his name is— and his finally feeling the heat of being the only Mexican left in his country...  Which is why I feel a strange need to go down there and comfort him; give ‘em a hug and all, ya’ know?   After all, almost all his Mexicans are where? —here!   And what do we have here? —the Obama administration.  ...And at the rate America is going, eventually the joke is going to be on Mexico and the Mexicans here.  ...Poor bastards!  They don’t know of the ‘fundamentally transforming’ country they’ve crossed into.  ...Sorry, mis amigos! Ha..!”



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