"After reading Duh Progressive's poigient political news and commentary, I've decided to run for office."

- Idi Amin, 1970

''So Tell Me, What Horrible Disease Was Michael Brown Destined to Cure Again?''


  The Following is a D u h   P r o g r e s s i v e   TRUE OP-ED

 Duh Progressive occasionally posts non-satire articles. This is one of them.

 A    D u h   P r o g r e s s i v e    T r u e   O p - E d 


       Dear Ferguson Protesters, Demonstrators, and (Potential) Rioters,

      Forgive me for asking, but exactly what terrible disease was Michael Brown destined to cure had he lived?  ...There, thought that would get your attention.  

     Obviously I am not suggesting that anyone, of any background, should be shot to death because they are not destined to achieve great things in life (only a sliver of humanity would exist today if that were the case).  But what I am stating, more like inquiring, is how many of these Black youths that we hear are supposedly "slaughtered" daily by police in America would grow up to be unusually upstanding citizens; shining, laudable contributors to society?  Think about it.

     Again —and what I will be driven by conscience (yes, I do have one...somewhere) to reiterate perfunctorily— I must ask: "What was humanity's so ravaging diseases or problems the presumably angelic Michael "Gentle Giant" Brown would have grown up to solve?  Answer:  NOT ONE.

     I have grown "uncomfortably accustomed" to stating the honest truths about such unfortunate people like Michael Brown.  For the fact is: did Michael Brown get shot because he was a good person?  Was Michael Brown shot during the process of being a "good person"?   The answer to that question (brace yourselves, for it is uncomfortable, too): no, he wasn't.  

     Really, can we not at least put away all of politically-correct, lionized images that have been built around Brown for a single moment and recognize this guy, not a "child", but an 18-year-old man for what he was, or at least acting like at the time of his death —some boisterous, belligerent  (you all DO recall that Brown had just robbed a convenient store and assaulted its clerk in order to steal Swisher Sweet cigars? ...And who the hell steals Swisher Sweet cigars for the purpose of enjoying undoubtedly the world's worst quality of tobacco?  Wha..?  Oh, you think perhaps Brown may have been stealing those cigars to turn them into blunts of marijuana, which his autopsies say he was full of?  Oh, oh no, the 'Gentle Giant' was just a cheaper-than-cheap tobacco enthusiast, right?  Dear God, someone hand me a bucket, STAT!),  obnoxious, holier-than-thou, I-own-this-town street thug.  This was his attitude on August 9th.  And it  probably cost him his life.

     Whether or not Officer Wilson was justified in shooting Mr. Brown, the question still remains: what, a latter-day Benjamin Carson, Jonas Salk, Thomas Sowell, Justice Thomas...hell, I'll even throw the ghost of Huey Newton in the mix of praiseworthy comparisons to the probability of Brown making one memorable ding, one positive, ringing dent in society. 

     I am so sick of hearing Michael Brown's supporters portraying him as nearly the second coming of Christ!   Yes, he was someone's son that was ripped away from them, and that is tragic.  But Brown's spirit has been hoisted upon this fictional pedestal his supporters are bowing before, and thinking of Officer Darren Wilson as intentionally depriving the world of the only man who could have saved humanity from the coming zombie apocalypse!  

     Oh, yes, Michael Brown was bound for college friends and family say, as if this proves Brown was incapable of any violence, aggressive, disrespectful, bullying behavior.  ...College?   Who cares?!   Who isn't bound for college these days?   Does being college-bound automatically propel one to angelic status?  Ted Bundy was in college, too (not meaning to compare the two, obviously).  So college, so what?


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     And what would have become of Michael Brown if he had gone through college?   Chances are not much, and not unlike most of Brown's Caucasian counterparts in the same majors and classes he would have been in —just another debt-strapped, tiny fish in a vast ocean of other debt-strapped, clawing, desperate college grads.  College does not equal sainthood or greatness, as I believe many of Michael Brown's makeshift mourners imply.

     Whether Darren Wilson shot Michael Brown justifiably or not, the fact remains: Michael Brown was no angel.  I dare say he was not a good person.  ...You heard me correctly.

     Likewise, those bloodied, shirtless, drunk and/or high White pieces of filth you see fighting on episodes of COPS, or on the ID channel, or the Hispanic homeboys you see arrested on your nightly news..?   They are in those situations generally because THEY ARE NOT GOOD PEOPLE.  And Michael Brown, from all I have read and seen, I surmise that he too WAS NOT A GOOD PERSON, and probably bound never to be.   What, was Brown's robbery and "brush-up" with that convenience store clerk was just a glitch in his personality, his regular comportment?    More than likely it wasn't.  Let's be real here!  Was Trayvon Martin "just having a bad night" when he encountered George Zimmerman?  No, he wasn't.  I wager most of Martin's evenings were "bad evenings", at best spent benignly, but in no ways productive, let alone altruistic. 

     These people we see on television, be they Black, White, Latino or whatever are not having their run-ins with police because they got too carried away with being "good people".   They're not!   So let's drop the "Michael Brown-Was-An-Angel-In-The-Making" bullshit before Americans of all races collectively vomit.

     Hell, I've been cuffed and thrown in jail before...before my charges were formally written, submitted, and I was deemed "capable" to be let free again (it was in Ocean City, Maryland, need I say more?).   And guess what? —I was NOT a good person!  I was an asshole (heh, some things never change).  I mouthed−off to a female police officer, standing over me around 7:30-ish AM on Ocean City's beaches, and drunkenly called into question her sexuality, as to insult her.  And insulted she certainly and rightfully was.  Needless to say, after my snarky quip I was quickly bound and driven off to jail/hours-long-drunk-tank-detox-stay.  And at that moment, that time, I was NOT a good person.  I deserved what I got and then some.

     But Mr. Brown, as circumstantial evidence indicates, was not a good person a lot of the time.   Brown's encounter with Officer Wilson was not a "hiccup" in his personality, it seems; it was not just a case of him, just some guy, having "one of those days".   This young man, whether egging on his death or not, was not a "good person".   Yes, yes...  There are friends and family of Michael Brown that will come before a jury (if not the "jury" of the media, at least) to attest to how wonderful, kind, saintly Brown was, and what glories and blessings Michael Brown could have gifted the world had it not been for that damned, dastardly racist killer cop!  Oh, oh...what a tragic loss to society we suffered on August 9th, 2014.   Well, guess what: one in a 100,000 chances are, we didn't.   So shut up and stop acting like this thug ...oh, pardon moi... I meant "gentle giant" who was just so surely destined to find a cure for AIDS or breast cancer or tuberculosis, or be the first to land successfully on Mars, or whatever-the-hell-else.   This willful, emotional glorification of Brown is bordering on collective delusion, and any rational person knows it.   Michael Brown, given his record (and recorded) behavior had about as much chance at achieving great things in this world as Dr. Stephen Hawking does at becoming a finalist on Dancing With the Stars.

     This man, Mr. Brown, given all that I have read and heard, was destined for disaster at worst (be it at the hands of the police or from one of his homegrown brethren), or for a bland, two-dimensional, completely inconsequential existence at best (like most people, sorry to say).

    Micronic were the chances of Michael Brown having  "made it", having become our latter-day Gandhi, Steve Jobs, or Einstein, split atoms or discover a cure for whatever timeless, devastating cancers or obscure diseases plague dark corners of the world today.   Sure, there was that possibility for Brown, as there is for anyone.   And indeed, not destined to grow up to be the next Dr. Ben Carson does not mean you should be shot down in the street like a rabid dog.   But behaving the way Michael Brown did just moments before his encounter with Officer Darren Wilson is certainly not indicative of a young man with a one-way ticket to glory or a lucky horseshoe up his ass. 

     So please, knock it off with the saintly "gentle giant" myth.  Brown was obviously a giant, but very questionably gentle.   Enough of making another thug into an icon.  It is indeed possible Michael Brown was just having "one of those days".  And it is surely possible Michael Brown could have grown up to achieve great things.  But more than likely, August 9th, 2014, was sadly just another day in the life of Michael Brown.  And had Brown lived, whether we would like to admit it or not, he probably would have "blessed" our world with many, many more of just "one of those days".   Sorry to break it to you.


           Nick Taxia,

           Writer and Producer,



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