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“I Can’t Believe Those Pit Bulls We Relentlessly Abused for Years Decided to Eat My Kids”




   Yep, it was all pretty shocking, I tell ya. Pretty shocking, indeed.  I was dumbfounded; speechless; staggered; perplexed beyond description, flung far from expectance, and rather upset to-boot. 

     Imagine how you would react if you came home to discover your three pit bull dogs you’ve relentlessly abused for years had devoured the better portion of your 4 and 5 year old kids!  Whata’ shock, you know? 

     Thomas and Shawna were sweet, innocent kids, had yet to hurt a fly, let alone a dog, and didn’t

deserve to be attacked, torn, and consumed by three American pit bull terriers we had neglected and virtually tortured since they were born.  Why then did this tragedy have to happen? Why, Lord!  I’m flummoxed as shit!

     What is to be said when you can’t even leave your two kids alone  for 32 hours with starved, emaciated pit bulls that have taken the brunt of your in inexpressive, basest frustrations for the past four years? 

     It must be something in the air.

     Whatever it is, I doubt it deserves the ire of municipal prosecutors and/or North Carolina’s child welfare authorities.  They act like it was their kids that were eaten by three starved, enraged canines. 

     Those dogs were meant to be tough, not terrible; manly, not murderers.  aYou don’t keep an animal like a pit bull chained outside in blistering heat and freezing cold all year, feeding it only scraps every other day, beat it tirelessly, and expect it to still be so violent.  You would think a dog raised like that would learn it has limits, would know not to fuck with people, right?  But NO, instead what do I get? Three crazed demons!  And what am I left with? –a leg and torso from Shawna, the head, arm and chest cavity from Thomas, and state authorities breathing down my neck, acting like I’m the bad guy now. Like I was a bad mother and all! 

    Hey, I'm not a damn cannibal! It wasn’t me who ate my damn kids!  So don't try blamin' me!  If I did anything wrong it was not beat and starve the dogs even more, so they’d know darn good and well never to even snarl at a person, let alone attack and gobble one up . 

     So hey, Assistant State’s Attorney Jeffrey Morgenthau or Morgenstein or whatever your name is  (yeah, I’m talking to you):  the culprits behind my devoured kids have already been destroyed down at the shelter, so you got your bad guys right there. No need to come looking at my ass!

    We’ve been through enough already.  Not only am I out two kids, but I’ve learned a valuable lesson in animal and pit bull rearing.  Oh, how I regret the couple of times I paid those beasts actual attention -as in affection- and gave them those couple good meals that one time.  Guess that set 'em thinking they could just haul off and act any old way they wanted, huh?

     I can always have more kids, but I swear  -and let this be a warning to the rest of you pit bull owners out there-  I’ll never own pit bull dogs again.  Never!  They’re just too goddamn unpredictable and dangerous.  From now on, it’ll be nothing but rottweilers. 

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