"I love this web site. But if you ever quote me saying that I will fucking sue your ass off."

- Bill Maher

‘‘Rick Santorum Made Me Dismember and Eat My Gay Lover’’

   


   

   Dear Friends,

   Let me announce that I pled not guilty this week to murdering, dismembering, and eating my gay lover, 33-year-old Chinese exchange student Jun Lin, back in May.  I also pled not guilty to videotaping myself having sex with Lin’s limbless corpse and eating his brain.  But the thing is: I do not deny doing these things.  I never did.  But yet I am “not guilty,” either.  Hear me out:

    I’m from Canada, but I still pay close attention to politics in the States.  And the fact that prominent gay and lesbian haters like former Senator Rick Santorum came close to clenching the Republican nomination for president, and therefore had a pretty good shot at being the most powerful man in the world, upset me so much that I lost it;  I went off the deep end.   I lost sanity, okay?

   Oh, Mr. Santorum, now you’ve done it!  Now you’ve reeeeeally done it!  Rick Santorum, you were the last straw for me!  As if hating gays and gay marriage wasn’t enough, you just had to run for president of America, didn’t you?  And seeing you do so well in the Republican primaries, then endorsing the almost-equally-crazed Mormon cult leader, Mitt Romney, finally made me snap.  So what else could I do? –I just HAD to butcher my gay Chinese lover, cut him up into little pieces, eat his brain, and mail various extremities of his rotting corpse to newspapers and conservative political parties across Canada.   My God, how else was I supposed to deal with your rise to prominence and the growing anti-gay sentiment in Canada’s closest neighbor?   It’s only a matter of time before the same seeds of intolerance sprout and run rampant here, because hatred is infectious.   Hatred crosses borders, just like a disease.  And just by espousing such views, Rick Santorum, you're opening the floodgates of a potential LGBT holocaust unprecedented in the Western Hemisphere.

    It’s torturous to see your hatred gain traction, Dick Santorum.   Being a proud gay non-American, I’ve watched with horror as the anti-gay climate in the U.S. has grown evermore murderously hypnotic over the last few years, despite that limp noodle, Barack Obama, being your president.   From the Defense Of Marriage Act to citizens rejecting gay marriage every time it's put on state  ballots, to Christian pastors wanting to keep gays in camps so they starve, it was all too much for me to psychologically handle, Rick!  I saw the odious writing on the wall –Santorum writing, and so was driven to do what I did.  

   America’s presidential elections aren’t just about who governs the U.S., they’re about who influences the world.  That includes cultural influence, too.  So I was saving Jun Lin, not murdering him; saving him from the rising hordes of cro-magnonic fundamentalists, led my sexually emaciated Hitlerian thugs like YOU, Rick Santorum (with Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin and Romney following close on your boot-clicking heels)!  The threat your views pose, even in other countries, cannot be ignored, and is driving the more sensitive among us off the cliff of normalcy; the threat from puritans like Rick Santorum, and his damn sweaters...which, by the way: look at yourself, Rick –not only are you a genocidal hate-monger, but you’re a fashion disaster to-boot, wearing sweaters so cheap the damn sleeves kept falling off!

   So I had to murder and eat my gay lover.  It was the only way to save him from the crushing clutches of fanatics like Rick Santorum and his ilk.  Jun Lin did not have the ability to leave the strangling grip of anti-gay hysteria engulfing North America.   So murdering Lin, devouring his brain, and mailing his feet and hands around Canada was an act of mercy.  I was setting him free; free from the Christian pastors and Romneys, Bachmanns, and especially Santorums.   Just sharing the same continent as these prehistoric dunderheads was enough to drive me over the edge.  So I BLAME YOU, RICK SANTORUM.   Jun Lin’s blood is on your hands!

    I was captured in Berlin, but had I caught my flight the next day, I’d be lounging in the Bay of Yemen right now, soaking up the Arabian sun and all the luxuries and acceptance everyone knows awaits homosexuals in Islamic countries.  

    I could be on the other side of the world right now, as far from the Rick Santorums as possible, laughing it up with the Imams, strolling down Arabian markets in my $400 Louis Vuitton sandals, D&G jeans and checkered fedora from Yves Saint Laurent , totally at peace.  But no, I had a bounty put on me from the monsters in North America, brought back shackled, scorned, presumed guilty of a “senseless, gruesome killing” and cannibalism, and not the act of salvaging kindness I was really performing for my poor, doomed Jun Lin.

   So go ahead, Canada, march in lock-step with your gay-hating American masters.  Condemn me all you want.  Sentence me to that whole four or five or six years in jail!   Go ahead!   Chalk one more up for Rick Santorum and his fellow Jesus freaks.   Give Santorum another victim to claim and victory to hail.   All I have to say is damn you, Rick Santorum!   Damn you to Hell!   I hope you're happy.


     —Sincerely,

        Luka Rocco Magnotta,

        Gay Porn Actor, Accused Murderer, Cannibal, Misunderstood Artiste

Recently Published Commentary

  • Title
  • Date
  • Random
 
  • 1

Newsletter Signup

 

 

 

 

 

Tweets