I’m going on welfare. I’ve been looking for a job now for over two years, and I have had it. I’m sayin’ f**k it! Ya hear me, America? And not just f**k looking for a job and keep getting turned down, failing and failing again and again, but f**k the whole system, man! To hell with this whole American capitalist bullshit.
Maybe if I could get hired if I wouldn’t feel this bitter. But I gotta tell you, America, this whole not-being-able-to-find a job shit is really making me doubt your whole “you can make it in America” crap, and the whole “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” shit you feed us from the moment we’re born. So I’m giving up. I’m going on public assistance.
In case you haven’t noticed, I’m obviously a conservative, upstanding guy. I just have a different way of expressing it. You can probably guess that my childhood was completely tranquil and that I was raised by responsible parents to be a real go-getter. I’m 26 years old. I’m the perfect guy you’d want your daughter to bring home for dinner. I’m the perfect guy you’d want teaching your 1st grader the laws of arithmetic and about the founding of America and the true meaning of Thanksgiving. You want a competent guy standing in front of your nine-year-old telling them about the true meaning of Christmas and about why 2 x 3 equals 6…? Look no further. But am I recommended for the job? No. Have I been turned down from countless teaching jobs even though I have an education degree from 2008? Yes! And it’s just not fair! Not FAIR, damn it!
Yeah, America…ungrateful, lying, inconsiderate America, the only job I’ve held since my college graduation and my 22nd of 48 body piercings and hoops has been at Jack Hoff’s Adult Video and Novelty store on the south side of Route 40 in Ellicott City, Maryland! Why? WHY, AMERICA?
I just can’t understand it: why can’t people just accept me for who I am? Can’t people just accept my own expression of my individuality? Apparently not, which is quite hypocritical for our society. After all, aren’t we all told to “go off and be ourselves,” be our own man or woman? Well, this is how I’ve chosen to express myself. It’s my choice, and I’ve chosen to choose that choice. And if you don’t like it then f**k you, America, and all you stand for!
So I’m done with it. I’m done with going into grammar schools with my bachelor’s degree in education and being ordered to leave. I’m done going to the troubled youth centers and being told that I’ll only make the kids wanna do drugs more in order to deal with my “looks”. I’m sick of even going to work at homeless shelters and told I’d only want to give the residents more reasons to remain homeless! I’m even tired of going to apply at tattoo and piercing parlors only to be told that “I’m just too much for customers to bear,” and then asked to leave under police threat. So I’m just sick of all of it –all this bullshit lies of this country’s promises, all the while simply expressing my inner self. F**k it! I’m so done!
I was raised to believe this country was founded under “individual freedom.” HA! Whata joke! I was raised to think I could be (and look) like anything in this society and yet have a chance. After all, have not so many been denied rights and first class status based on their looks? Well what’s the difference in my case?! I have all the qualifications, the perfect upbringing and all the degrees, yet am unable to find any job other than that of a grave hour shift at a damn porn store. WHY?!
Oh America, you and all your phony “be yourself” bullshit. It’s pathetic, America, and all your damned “dreams.” If you can’t see beyond the half-inch rings in my nose and my three-inch rings in my earlobes and my eye, nose, lip, chin, cheek, nipple, naval, and penile studs and countless face, neck and body tattoos and basically making myself look like a monster, and see me for who I really am, then shame the f**k out of you, America!
I was raised by progressive parents who said anyone can (finally) make it in America, regardless how they look like. Well, this is me, Trevor Abrahams, expressing myself, showing the world who I really am inside by showing them what that looks like on the outside. But that isn’t “suitable” for you, CAPITAIST America, with your prejudices and your standards and cultural and class restrictions. I guess I just don’t present the right “class” of people the rest of you wanna deal with.
But hey, that’s your loss, ain’t it, because now I have not recourse but to go on welfare. And by now, I’m proud to be on welfare, living off people who couldn’t accept my individuality.
So I hope you don’t get too angry, America. Yes, that’s sarcasm. I hope you don’t get too mad at this bright, shining specimen of virtue and productivity you have shunned. And while I say “f**k you all,” I will be saying it while still looking for a job. At least you’ll still find that “acceptable” in your compartmentalized capitalist confines. I think my next application will be to that daycare center down the street.
—Cheers, heartless, capitalist assholes!
Ellicott City, MD